Apples
by you didn't did you
Summary: what do you get when you put totgether an insane demon,willing naruto and sauke slowly losing his calm there's only one way to find out. Crackish.Random.
1. intro

_kei_ :yea so my first fan fic here.i liked it now i hate it so lets see how it goes over .

disclaimer: when you see itachi start doing a strip tease in the middle of a Battle that's when I own naruto until then. No,I don't own naruto

Narutos thinking / **kyubbi speaking in his mind**

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Apples

It was just another bright and sunny day in the hidden leaf village. With, our two favorite rivals simply training in the usual spot. Little do they know things are about to change...

**kit!**

Naruto stops barley missed by a kuni.

'What' he thinks just as a pale fist meets his face and slams him back against a tree.

"Shit" naruto spits out.as a shadow passes over his face he looks up to see Sasuke. "try to keep up next time dobe."sauske says as he turns and walks off.

'Fuck that teme'

**'well,well kit what a time to be thinking about that.'**

"I-I wasn't" naruto stuttered lifting himself from the ground and brushing off.

'Whatever you ugly old fox. I'm starving.'

**'please no'**

"RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!"

Naruto walked to Ichiraku and slurped down Miso ramen. loudly blabbing happily to the old man until...

"Aah!"Naruto yelled.causing people to turn but just sheepishly scratched the back of his head reassuring everyone.'what the was that it feels like I'm being split in two' he ground to kyubbi.

**'kit get home now'**

'What is this ?!'

**'just run'**

naruto threw his money on the counter waving good-bye and running home as fast as possible.Leaving faces awed faces in his wake by his speed.he reached home and threw himself weakly on the bed.

'what is this i wanna know now!' naruto mentally yelled.

**'kit just lay back and try to forget the pain it will be over soon'**

"WHAT.IS.THIS."nauto yelled in frustration.

**'Applesauce'**

" WHAT?!"naruto yelled siting up in bed.

'** Oh, nothing I just could really go for some though.Anyway,kit were merging.It will be a tiny bit painful. Hopefully you'll sleep through most of it you'll inherit all of my chakra ,senses and stuff like that. I wont be here anymore.'** naruto was slightly disappointed by that sentence.

'What do you mean you wont be here?' naruto thought trying to make the worry in his head and the tenseness in his body disappear.'

**'I'm kinda dying you baka.'** that's when naruto was speechless for the first time in his life.

**'Don't worry there's an upside'** kyubbi tried to comfort him.

'TO DYING!' Naruto yelled mentally.

**' Yes ,I get a week in human form to teach you everything you need to know to inherit my awesomeness and I can get back to my realm away from you weird smelling humans you smell like dirty waffles.'**

' Oh Kay,crazy everything like what?'

**'Chakra control,all around hotness.how to get respect,find the perfect out fit,make sauske jealous and properly fold towels stuff like that.'**

'Okay whatever you say 'naruto said mentally and lied back down tucking himself in the covers.'when do you get your body?'

'** I should be here when you wake up OK. just, go to sleep ramen boy.'**

'Night kyubbi I-thank you.'naruto said drifting off.

**'I love you too kit that's why I'm doing this for you.'**kyubbi thought in a low tone because naruto was fast asleep.

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yea so a one, a two, you need to review. 


	2. Fairy

**Thwack!**

"wake up!" kyubbi snapped

naruto woke to see a tall woman with golden skin and brown-red hair and Burgundy eyes straddling his waist ;while eating applesauce.Naruto tried to will down the blush over his features.

"wh-who the hell are you and why did you slap me?"naruto stuttered out completely forgetting last night while trying to reach the kuni behind his pillow.kyubbi just glared at him like he was an idiot. naruto brought his hands back down to his sides.

"I'm a fairy and i slapped you because you were dreaming about kissing Gai" kyubbi said with her grin growing to show her fangs.

"Nooooo! kami the mental image please make stop!" naruto screamed in agony trying to screaming in agony while unsuccessfully trying to scratch his eyeballs out.  
"fairy-thingy make it go away" he said while over-dramatically running around the room.

" there's a fairy here? Where?" kyubbi said taking off one of her shoes and looking around.naruto stoped beating his head against the wall to look at her.

" Aren't you a fairy !?" naruto yelled ready to tear his hair out.

"pff no you actually believed that I hate those prissy little bitches,kit."kyubbi said putting her shoe back on

"oh...Kyubbi!!" naruto rubbed his head feeling a little slow .

" about time and your supposed to be a ninja"kyubbi said throwing her bowl at him laughing as it hit next to his head on the wall.

" now common change we have to go see the Hokgae Ramen boy unless you really want to start a new trend with those pajamas." kyubbi said as she got off and walked out to the bathroom.

"okay, we can go but when the black opps come.I never met you!" naruto yelled at the door trying to quickly get into his jumpsuit.

"awww you don't mean that naru-kun." kyubbi yelled opening the door and steeping out lightly

"Barbie eat your heart out." kyubbi said fiddling with her hair.  
naruto looked to see kyubbi waring along sleeved fish net top over a tight black tang top finishing off with a pair of black shorts and ninja sandals.

" you look pretty ;but whose barbie?" naruto said tying on his head band 'more like you'd eat her heart'

'naruto i thought you'd like to know i can still hear your thoughts.'

"oh."naruto said looking away

kyubbi chuckled "just come on"

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With a poof a cloud of smoke appeared behind Tsunade's desk startling the sleeping Hokgae.

"Billy goats! I me- I mean i wasn't sleeping. Tsunade yelled startled while trying to desperately to fix herself.

"Baa-chan It's just us." naruto said starting to ponder the connection between billy goats and Tsunade. she turned her chair around preparing her self to scold naruto for being rude.

"who this gaki?"

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Is kyubbi going to live? why was Tsunade dreaming about billy goats? The world may never know. till next time:the only, kei


	3. market

**_Kei-_**

**so yea ,I'm currently drugged up because i got my wisdom teeth removed and their eating Delicious food in my face soyou know what...**

**Im gonna have a salad and eat it to **

**and give you this chapter hopefully its longer than the others**

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kyubbi sat on the desk "one clue" dramatic pause "I'm foxy!" naruto let his face drop in his hands and sighed 'were all gonna die'

"no" Tsundae whispered

"yes" naruto said

"no" Tsundae said

"yes!" naruto said louder

" NO!" Tsundae yelled standing up

"YES" naruto yelled

" CRAZY DEMON HUNTING WEASEL WEARING A CLOAK!" kyubbi screamed

" ITACHI WHERE !?" naruto yelled then unsuccessfully hiding under the desk.

" WAIT WHAT?!" Tsunade yelled

" good,now that I your attention.SIT!" Tsundae and naruto quietly obeyed and kyubbi smiled fangs resting on her bottom lip.

"now let me explain naruto and I are merging and there's a little last minute things he needs to know.I have a week in human form I won't do any harm maybe nibble on a few people but that's it no one will know but us alright" Tsundae was in thought and naruto was staring at the celling.

"I SAID ALRIGHT!" kyubbi yelled

"yes,mam!" the two said in unison snapping to attention.

"why is she aloud to do this baa-Chan ?!" naruto finally asked

"she knows" kyubbi answered

"knows what?" naruto asked not getting it

"she knows." kyubbi said in a this is finished tone while eyeing Tsunade she turned to the wall.

"hey, we've gotta go but ill come next time with the waffles okay" kyubbi said to the wall than proceeded to the door.

"b-but "naruto shouted he saw Tsundae looking for her sake and gave up and followed kyubbi.

" Hiya boys" kyubbi said smirking at tense ANBU guards naruto walked behind her thinking this was a dream or history caused by lack of ramen

kyubbi started skipping just as naruto noticed they were not heading to his apartment. "where are we going kyubbi?"

kyubbi put her hands on her hands with a seriously angry look on her face "first off call me kyu or this whole village will go into panic, ramen boy! second were going on a magical journey to a place filled with purchasable joy! now lets go" she yelled happily then turned on heels and walked off straight into the market.

naruto turned his head skyward "Kami please wake me up I'm so so sorry .I don't deserve this. naruto pleaded then followed.

kyubbi had disappeared leaving an mentally depleting naruto to wonder around " I'm not losing my mind I'm not losing my mind imnotlosingmymind"became his jumbled mantra

"NARUTO!" a familiar voice yelled in the distance breaking his mantra he looked up to see sauske hopping through the other side of the market with pink Bunny ears and tomatoes.

"NARUTO OVER HERE!" his turned to see kakashi and iruka and walking towards him.

"naruto, what are you doing here" he said being pulled into the silver hair nin behind him but naruto couldn't here him

' I'm insane that's it I've lost wooooooooooooooooooooo this is a dream everything is going to be okay when i wake up and then ill have ramen' naruto thought smiling terrifying weird on the outside

"dream" naruto muttered starting to giggle and started shaking and pulling his hair

" NARUTO CALM DOWN." Iruka said using his scary stern teacher voice and shaking naruto.

naruto calmed down only to hear that voice..."RUKA-BABY!"

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**what does Tsunade know anyway? but okay that's that demonfoxkit a new chap for you and a salad for me Rebel against soup!**


	4. AN

Kei: umm...hey guys I know Ive been out ,but i woke up this morning and i went to check my email before work and found out that someone had made this story a little act made my morning then I read it and laughed It made my day. I'm going to finish this story!


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